April 1, 2022 2:15 AM
Laying in the dark, The room is silent other than the purs of my cat. My mind is racing thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong during this new primary care provider appointment. It takes so much strength to pick myself up and start new.
I found out my current primary care provider’s Office is permanently closing. Lucky for me I’ve only been seeing her for seven months since moving to the big beautiful city of Seattle. She has done a lot for me, including most of my new DME orders for my custom wheelchair and hospital bed.
The anxiety starts to creep in my stomach, run through my veins tickles my mind as I think about my appointment tomorrow. Where do I even start? What will she think looking through my chart with the conflicting information between doctors that either said I was just anxious over the years or the doctors that finally realized something was wrong.
This feeling haunts me every time I see a new doctor, every time I need to go to the emergency room, it plagues me to a point where sometimes I won’t even seek medical attention even though I need to.
The doctors that chocked everything up to anxiety in my past, caused me real anxiety in my present and some nights I just feel like that’s just not fair, some nights I wonder what it would’ve been like if I was believed 10 years ago and got treatment sooner.
Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow is a new primary care provider, tomorrow I ask about a new treatment. I will try to shut off my brain until tomorrow, like I do every single new appointment.
ID: stock image of scary female doctors coming at you with pink gloves goggles and scrub cap on and white coat